Reports cards were distributed not too long ago, and I kind of knew what to expect from each of my kids. They're good students, and typically do their best- although the winter slump this year has been brutal.
They come home exhausted everyday and barely have energy for anything outside of school. Despite this, I never really worry about them academically. I (KIND OF) obsess over their grades, and express my disappointment when I don't think they've done their best; but 9 times out of 10, I'm very happy with how they perform in school.
This year was different though. And now, I'm confused.
When I read through each report card, I made note of things I wanted to discuss with each of them. My oldest- Senior Slump. It hasn't hit her that hard, but it's coming on fast. She's already been accepted in 3 colleges and is waiting to hear back from a few more. But with APEX Arts and an internship coming up, she needs to stay the course. Second born- Big Kudos and Perseverance. She's taking 3 AP classes and several Honors classes, she works around 30 hours a week, and got a 4.31 GPA on her latest report card. WHAT?!? If you know her, you know she moves at her own pace, and right now she's at lightning speed! I was so proud of her, but I also don't want her to burn out. The baby boy did very well. He "locked in" this year and got on the honor roll for the first time in middle school. But again- PERSEVERANCE! I want him to soar into high school, and he's more than capable.
Last, but not least... As I looked over my oldest son's report card, it was depressing. He is easily the most intelligent of my four children (not a secret, we all know)- he could read before he could even really speak, and his ability to retain knowledge is actually incredible. I always thought he would "follow in my footsteps" because everything comes to him so easily. He could be a legacy student at Johns Hopkins and become a doctor- a dream never fulfilled for his Mommy. He could do ANYTHING to be honest. But his grades were abysmal. And we saw this coming. He's been increasingly despondent in school. His school counselor even remarked that "I don't think he cares about school at all." As someone who always loved school, I couldn't (and still can't) wrap my head around that. How can you be so academically gifted and just not care?
But the reality is, Amari has had it rough. He was excited to attend a STEM magnet program when he started middle school, only to be exclusively online his first year, and then completely ostracized by his peers the following year. He's always been a happy go lucky, jovial kid. But that experience changed him. He came home from school day after day, with heart wrenching stories about how no one would speak to him, how kids would completely ignore him, and one day he even got kicked really hard by someone he didn't even know. Apparently, all of the boys talked about "field hockey and lacrosse," and no one was interested in his Pokemon musings and similar games. Middle school is rough, and it was particularly rough on him. And even though the bully-behavior is bad, we knew this was compounded by the fact that he was one of 3 Black children in the STEM program cohort that year. He already stuck out like a sore thumb, and his propensity to randomly run, jump, and spin wasn't doing him any favors. I know what it feels like to one of the few Black faces in school, but my schools were loving, nurturing spaces where I was able to flourish and grow. Hawai'i is already so diverse, so my Blackness wasn't "othered-" it was just a beautiful addition to our melting pot. Not so for my sweet Amari.
Fast forward to the present, Amari is still one of a few Black boys in his classes. We affirm him at home and he knows that he's loved HERE, but that's clearly not enough for him, and I don't blame him. I don't think he wants to be the awkwardly smart kid, certainly not the awkwardly smart Black kid. He's likely tired of being "othered" by people that look like him and by those that don't. He has to take night classes to make up a failing grade, and after class tonight he said "School is VERY stressful!" I can only imagine, Mar. I can only imagine...
Mental health is a really hot topic right now, and it's not only important for adults. Our kids are navigating a world unbeknownst to all of us, and their mental health and wellness is crucial. Amari's story isn't unique (and he's totally okay with me sharing this, by the way!), but it definitely sheds light on a much larger issue. Our schools need more counselors, social workers, and mental health professionals. We also need more teachers, AMEN?? But there was no one that Amari could go to- he had no safe space. I'm confused and saddened that the only school leader that showed up to our conferences back then was the "Student Advocate," a very nice, well meaning Black man that tried to look out for Amari, but ultimately that wasn't his job. Maybe Amari will grow from this experience and become a counselor or a school psychiatrist. Maybe even a Wellness educator, like Mrs. Connerton, who is doing a great job building that program at his high school (so great that she was Teacher of the Year last year).
This Black History Month, as we celebrate the amazing accomplishments of Black changemakers throughout time, I encourage you to celebrate our kids- our future. Affirm them and treat them like our future Black doctors, lawyers, AND educators! Please celebrate our Black teachers, counselors, administrators, secretaries, and check in on them. They are stepping up everyday to make a difference in the lives of ALL children. Understand the powerful role they play in the lives of our students, and give them their flowers. They deserve it!
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